Failure.
For many of us that word elicits an emotional response that is disproportionate to it’s size. It’s like the words love or hate—they can transport us instantly to cherished or painful memories. Whether you are recalling your first kiss or your most painful break up, your mind doesn’t have to travel far to find the memories and emotions associated with those events.
The combination of memory and emotion can be a powerful influence on future behavior. Social scientists tell us that past traumas are stored in the amygdala, the brain's emotional center. Just thinking about a traumatic event can cause some people to relive the emotions they experienced. Others may recall the experience, but through time, counseling, or other means have processed the emotions well enough to move forward without being substantially derailed.
I’m no social scientist, but I’ve observed, read, and studied how people—including myself—respond to failure. I am fascinated at the varying methods that I have seen myself and others use to avoid failure, or even the thought of failing. Now if you happen to be one of those people that are risk takers and are undaunted by being thought of as the one who failed, kudos to you. I’ve met many of you, and I honestly envy whatever gives you the ability to say, “To heck with it, let’s try and see what happens!”
Personally, I’ve always been more cautious, especially when it comes to physical risks. Growing up, my lack of balance and athletic prowess earned me a reputation as a klutz. My mom and I were having a conversation when I was in my 30’s. She told me that every time I left the house when I was young, she never knew if I would make it back.
When I was a teenager, I had several friends that rode skateboards. They would try all kinds of tricks and slowly got better. I rarely tried anything risky, mainly because I’m not a fan of pain, and I never became good at skateboarding. Usually when I exceeded my very limited abilities, I would be reminded that I had crossed an invisible line, and all sorts of pain and suffering would follow. Cuts, bruises, and broken bones taught me that failure often brought pain, and my brain decided that risk wasn’t worth the reward.
The truly weird thing that I have seen played out in people’s behavior is the schism between risk in one area of life and fear in other areas. For example, I’m much less cautious about financial risks. I’ll evaluate a business opportunity with less hesitation than a physical challenge, even though the stakes are often higher.
What about you? Do you play it safe in one area, like relationships, but take bold risks at work? Or maybe you’re stuck in your comfort zone—dreaming of writing that book, launching that business, or going back to school— but too afraid to take the first step.
Please hear me, you are not alone. Most of us value security more than we realize. For many of us taking action is not worth the risk of being rejected, being humiliated, being hurt, or sometimes worst of all, being ignored. I’m amazed that I ever got married considering my overwhelming fear of rejection! Even those who appear confident often wrestle with these same fears. The difference? They find ways to move forward anyway—often by stacking small victories to build the courage for bigger risks.
Rethinking Failure
I came across this formula for addressing failure many years ago. I do not take credit for it, but it is a simple method for facing the looming emotions associated with the dreaded outcome. Except here's the truth: failure isn’t dreadful. That’s the lie we’ve been sold. Failure can be a tremendous ally en route to our desired outcome. It gives us the information we need to adjust, change course, and correct. While others sit paralyzed by fear, our failures inform our future decisions. They’re not the end of our journey; they’re the road signs that are directing us to our ultimate success.
Step 1: Be the First to Fail
Don’t wait on the sidelines. Jump in and be the first person to try. In sales, there’s an old saying: “You need 10 contacts to get 3 appointments that lead to 1 sale.” If you don't make the calls, you won't get the sale, even though you know not all of the calls are going to pan out.
The great thing about going first is that activity produces clarity. Even if you fail on your first attempt (and you probably will) you will get useful information about what worked and what didn’t. The quicker you get this information, the sooner you can make adjustments if necessary. The longer you wait, the less info you have as reference points about what actually works.
Whether you ascribe to the early bird gets the worm, or time is money, or some other cliché, being willing to experience failure quickly gives you an advantage over the next guy or gal.
Step 2: Fail Fast
If failure is inevitable, don’t drag it out. Like ripping off a bandaid, it’s better to experience short-term discomfort than prolong the agony of indecision. If you or your organization focus
on the “what if’s” too long, you may lose the will to move forward and abandon the goal or outcome you were pursuing. Quick action minimizes overthinking and maximizes momentum.
Step 3: Fail Frequently
This is where we can develop a mindset that embraces experimentation in a way
that recognizes that if we try enough different approaches, we’ll eventually find an answer that works.
Most people are either familiar with the 3M Corporation, or at least some of the products it produces. If you have ever used a sticky note, you are using a product that was developed from a failed experiment by a 3M engineer. 3M’s culture of innovation recognizes the value of frequent failure through their willingness to explore ideas even when there is no guarantee of success. They have introduced over 55,000 new products in their history and are issued nearly 3000 patents each year.
How many failures do you think their researchers and engineers must experience in the process of creating 3000 patentable ideas per year? If you want to experience success, allowing yourself the freedom to fail often will give you an unlimited number of opportunities to find workable solutions to almost any challenge.
Step 4: Fail Forward
The final step in the 4 fail framework is failing forward. Failing for the sake of failure is just weird and would probably indicate a need for counseling. When we try something that doesn’t work, we need to diagnose the process and outcome in order to learn from it. This can be done formally in situations that need it, especially when the outcome has serious ramifications.
Ever heard someone say that those who fail to remember history are doomed to repeat it? The bigger the scale, the greater the forensic analysis should be of what was done and by whom, while recording every detail in order to teach and learn from the situation. When a patient dies in a hospital due to error or mistake, doctors participate in a morbidity and mortality conference to understand what happened to avoid making similar mistakes with future patients.
There’s no question that death is much more serious than most failures we will experience, but we can use a similar process for learning from ideas or actions that don’t produce success to change our approach and avoid wasting time and resources by repeating similar behavior. Sometimes we just need to make mental notes or have a journal to refer to. The best method is the method you will consistently use so that all the unsuccessful attempts can be referenced to avoid repeating them, while also getting as much useful information from them as possible.
The Final Word on Failure
Failure is not final; it is a normal, necessary cog in the machinery of achievement and success. Often people who are considered some of the greatest successes have experienced substantial failures in their lives. What is unique about these people? Are they smarter or more talented? Do they have greater resources and family connections?
Sometimes they do, and that’s just the way it is. But for many, they were just more willing to fall on their face, deal with the discomfort of not getting it right every time, and keep on trying until they finally find what they are looking for. Fortunately, we can all put forth effort, knowing we’ll make mistakes along the way. By choosing to endure, we can uncover the benefits of repeated failure and ultimately achieve lasting success.
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